And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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