i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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