"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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