R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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