why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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