just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
