had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
