Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We are two peas in an std pod
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
