I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
