How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
