Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
