I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
