Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
