Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
