I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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