True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
