How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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