How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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