I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
