Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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