I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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