Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
