i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
