Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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