My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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