If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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