i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
