I got chris browned last night
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
