So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
