im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're too hungover to prance.
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