i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
