Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
love makes seman taste better
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
