i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
