i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
