she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
