did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize