there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
