You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
