true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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