5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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