i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
