Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
