I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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