he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
