C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A+ Viking dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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