dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
