benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
