She's JV to your varsity
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
