hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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