So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
